My Cousin Jonathan Blog

This is the note Jonathan wrote to me on August 11, 2001.

This note says:
To Debby
I really like talking with you
and you i like you. you
were the one when there was
no one else. I am sorry
about this tragedy
in general and this one
in particular was inevitable.
please make my story heard
as much as you can. Don't
feel hurt about it. This is
the only chance for some positive
change. Especially when the
hasidim would know exactly
what went on. so the positive
parts inside them are the girls
might wake up into some
action. I hope
Love you and cherish you
Jonathan

When Miki came to New York to collect Jonathan's things, we found this note, along with a note to his previous landlord and a note to his family in Netanya. Although the envelope says, "time of execution, August 11, 2000" the actual date of his suicide was June 14, 2001.
Thank you, Mordechai, for keeping him alive an extra 10 months.
Thank you, Miki, for coming to New York, October 2000. I think this helped keep him alive the extra 10 months.

Today is my wedding anniversary. I have been married 13 years to a wonderful man, and have two wonderful children.

Time of Execution 8/11/2000

Written on the back of the note to Mr and Mrs. Gross, his landlord in Brooklyn. Joni actually stayed alive until June 14, 2001

Suicide note to Mr. Gross

On August 11, 2000 Jonathan was planning his suicide. He wrote his notes - two to the landlord, one to me, and one to his family in Netanya.
I knew this was coming and I was doing everything I could to keep him alive. One of the things I told him was that if he killed himself I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him he shouldn't pin my telephone number on his dead body. I told him to write down the telephone number in Netanya and let them deal with it. I begged him not to kill himself. I begged him to give me a goodbye call. I was advised by the Suicide hotline to ask him to promise to say goodbye to me. This way, I might be able to stop it. To call the police when I got the goodbye call. Joni promised he would call. Joni lied.
On June 14, 2001 Joni called his brother, Miki, in Netanya, to say goodbye. Miki called me. By the time the police arrived it was too late.
This note was found July 2001 in a bag filled with underwear, in his apartment. Joni planned his suicide and then told Mordechai his plan. Then he agreed to accept Mordechai's help and moved into Mordechai's apartment. He lived there for 10 months before he actually killed himself. This note was not tacked to him, it is for the previous landlord. Notice that although he promised to leave me out of it, he leaves my phone number and my name and address and cell phone number (a part I blocked out).

This note says:

8/11/2000
To Miss and Mr Gross
I'm am sorry about what
you see. Please call my cousin
in Long Island (phone #) for
collecting my stuff. I have enjoyed
your hospitality. it's nothing personal.
Call (my phone number and address)
ask for Deborah

Tzemach Atlas is "overwhelmed by sadness for jonathan".

me too.


http://www.mentalblog.com/

Tamara, "the fourth rabbi" is also feels sad from joni's story.

http://fourthrabbi.blogspot.com/



thank you.

Birthday Card July 2000

Jonathan wasn't one to celebrate birthdays and he thought it was funny that I would want my family to acknowledge me on my birthday. He also thought it was funny when i gave him a card and a gift. But in July 2000 he wanted to make me happy so he bought me this card and he gave it to me.
I keep this card in a drawer. Each year on my birthday (which just passed) it seems to surface.

Jonathan gave me this birthday card July 2000.

Jonathan wrote on the card (I'm correcting some of the spelling):
To my best friend DeBi
I wish you a happy 23 (38)
years old birthday. Keep on
being the angel as you were.
hope to meet you until i'm
30 or 40 or who knows forever maybe
your friend and cousin,
Jonathan

And the explanation is:

First, we used to joke that although i was 38 years old, i was a young 38, like only 23.
Jonathan had given me, what we called, "the angel speech." This means that he told me that i was an angel sent to help him. (I did my best). But the speech was very long and very intense when he gave it to me. And he used to refer to it when he needed me to do something. I was his angel.
Third, as you can see, the suicide was always looming. At this point in time, things weren't going so badly, so he thought he would stick around to 30 or 40 or maybe longer.